Neil Patrick Harris Dishes on Cargiving for his Twins
Posted on: November 23, 2010
A few commenters on gay sites and others have had a lot to say about this interview. Some have highlighted Neil’s remark that he did not feel an instant connection with the babies, “Everyone said, ‘When you see them, you’re going to look into their eyes, and you’ll never feel love burst forth like you feel …,’ and I’m like, ‘Not so much.’”
Nay-sayers have alleged he does not have natural fatherly feelings because he is gay. Ironically, the sentiments he expressed are common for many new parents — female, male, straight, gay — who have feelings of guilt and disappointment over not forming that initial magic love bond. As one commenter aptly put it, “It’s normal, it’s not a guy thing, it’s not a gay thing, it’s a new parent thing and it’s common and it’s a good thing for celebs/public figures to talk about it to counterbalance all the messages that say it’s wrong to feel that way. Lots of parents take some time to bond with their infants.”
Personally, what I thought was more interesting is that he talked about how his partner David Burtka had twins with another man before he met Neil, and Neil made the point that David raised the children for two and a half years, but, “He was not their father.” So I guess in his mind biology makes a father.
November 23, 2010 at 4:30 pm
I didn’t quite take it as biology makes a father. Its kind of like dating someone with kids for awhile and then leaving when the relationship doesn’t work out. Yes, you helped take care of them, but you are not the parent. Some relationships bloom where kids think of a parent’s spouse as a father, but that is not always the case. My sister’s second husband helped raise her kids, but he is certainly not their father. To my understanding, David’s previous boyfriend was preparing for the twins when the two started dating, so he was like the boyfriend of someone with kids. Having kids with someone is different. Neil and David, regardless of biology, will both be the fathers of their twins because they started the process together with the intention of sharing equal parental love, rights, and responsibility.